


Holding On

by Kainorian



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Drama, F/F, Grief, Memories, Modern AU, Prompt Fic, Romance, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kainorian/pseuds/Kainorian
Summary: What happens if the love of your life ends up in a precarious state and your feelings are all over the place? Against her expectations, Asami finds some time to reflect on her life and is healing with the help of good and bad memories.Modern Korrasami AU one-shot. Memories Prompt. Part of Korrasami Week.





	Holding On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AvatarAang7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvatarAang7/gifts).



"Please, wake up."

Four days have passed. Four days on which she experienced four different emotions in a never-ending cycle. Sorrow. Guilt. Despair. Frustration.

_Sorrow._

Not one time did she leave her side. Day after day she would find her way to her room in the hospital and again and again sit for hours at her bedside once more while her hand would hold her hand, not too hard, but just enough to convey that she was with her and would welcome her back whenever she would decide to return. She would wait, just like she did in the past four days. Always.

_Desperation._

Asami has never been a very religious person, but in this moment she wished more than ever that, even with a slim chance, that the universe would let some kind of miracle happen. She had been hoping the whole time for something to happen. Something that would take away her anxiety and fear. A sign. Just… _something_.

_Guilt._

But her desperation was accompanied by guilt that outweighed the other, making the ballast on her shoulders just as big as the pain in her heart. She knew that she wasn’t supposed to be here. She wouldn’t want it. Sometimes Asami would look at the clock on the wall which would tell her that it was already afternoon and that the sun would set soon. Soon another day would pass. Another day she passed by spending her time at the side of her beloved and neglected her duties. However, she didn’t care. The company would manage well without her. Her company. She sighed.

_Oh Korra. I wish that you would be here now._

She was lying in front of her. Cables adorned her face and arms, her pulse was weak but constant, chest heaving while the machine showed her pulse rate. The eyes of her fiancé, however, remained shut, her now peaceful face not indicating anything. Was it wrong? Was it wrong to wish for her beloved to wake up from her peaceful sleep and to not grant her this one peaceful moment that she couldn’t get to experience otherwise? Was it the right thing to ignore the well-meant advice of her friends and employees and to spend her days by being at the same place? Would Korra want this? Would she want it herself if she was in Korra’s place?

_Frustration._

Sighing, she put her head in her hands. She didn’t know. Maybe this was a sign. A sign from… from the _universe_ that was telling her that… That life was too precious to waste it or something along those lines. _Was_ she wasting her life? Was the universe really trying to tell her that? She snorted. This was ridiculous… or …

Her gaze wandered to the woman lying before her. Asami smiled weakly, yet her eyes were full of love for this woman; the woman who introduced a brand new world to her and turned her life upside down and enriched it with far more colorful colors than ever. The woman who opened her eyes and brought happiness back into her life, made her feel weightless and brought out the child in her.

The woman who had shown her love.

After all, it was this candor, her incredible sincerity and her unlimited and unconditional love that had gotten her to her current state. No. It was her own fault. If she wouldn’t have been busy with her company and neglected her, it was likely none of them would be here. It was her fault.

Sniffing, she wiped a trace of tears on her cheek away. She didn’t want any of this.

Why did she have to treat Korra so unfairly? She didn’t deserve it. _No one_ had deserved to be treated so unjustly by her. What’s more, the reason for her late actions was absurd anyway. She looked back to their united hands and closed her eyes.

_I’m so sorry, Korra._

Trembling, she breathed in briefly before her eyes were welcomed by the peaceful face in front of her. Asami snorted. Even now Korra somehow managed to calm her. Her peaceful face was enough to reassure her and satisfy the unrest within her. Even at a time during which she was vulnerable, Korra watched out for her. Asami could only shake her head at that, not able to believe it. What could she possibly have done to deserve this wonderful woman? The least she could do was to admit the truth. Not that she knew if she could hear her or not, but it is said that some people were able to hear what the person by their side was saying, even if they weren’t conscious. Who knew, maybe Korra was able to hear her in this moment? There was only one way to find out.

"I… I should have told you earlier." She looked at her, tears streaming down her face, and hoped that she could hear her. "I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but in case you do … It never was my intention to hurt you. Korra, you mean _so much_ to me. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you or losing you. The time I was with you is something I’ll never forget and I’ll always treasure it in my heart. You’re an incredible person and I am so grateful that I met you and that I can share my heart with you. You deserve better and so much more." She paused, unsure how to say the next words. "... That's why you deserve to know the truth."

She waited. For how long, she didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. While the clock kept on ticking, Asami’s thoughts were stuck in one moment. A moment that she had intended to push into the farthest corner of her mind, but for some reason she couldn’t; the more she fought back, the closer the memory pressed itself onto the surface of her mind. Was she ready to share this painful memory with another person, although it was the person she already had entrusted her heart with?

A single glance sufficed. _Yes._

If there was one person that she would confide everything to, it was her. And yet, her heart burned at the memory of the last time they saw each other. Right before she lost her.

 

* * *

 

_She hadn’t seen her._

_She was walking towards her car which was parked a few meters ahead when she suddenly heard her voice from behind._

_"Asami!"_

_But she didn’t turn around. Stubborn as she was, she kept on walking and held her head high, trying her best to ignore the voice of her girlfriend behind her back._

_Panting, Korra ran after her, her heart beating fast enough to make her feel like it would burst out of her chest any moment, but that didn’t stop her from losing track of the businesswoman. To her frustration, she didn’t stop and kept her back turned on her. "Asami, wait!"_

_Her eyes narrow now, Asami continued her way, all the while trying to not give into the urge of turning her head in the other direction._

_'Don’t turn around. It’ll only make things worse.'_

_She just wanted to be alone. To be left in peace. It had been a week since it happened. She needed time to get over it, alone. Despite her annoyance, she knew deep within that her girlfriend just wanted to help, but right now, Asami couldn’t be anything but be annoyed by the woman’s antics._

_'Leave me alone. This way neither of us will have to hurt any more.'_

_"Asami, please!" Korra shouted one last time, but her voice met the air, bouncing off the engineer’s back. Out of breath, she stopped on her knees and looked on how her girlfriend got into her car._

_She couldn’t help herself. Maybe it was ridiculous to follow her girlfriend from her working place to her car, but Korra didn’t care. What was important was Asami. Something wasn’t right with her, but she didn’t know what had her be bothered this much. It had begun about a week ago when her demeanor had started to change; she barely talked, didn’t react when she addressed her, and eventually started ignoring her, saying that she "needed time for herself". She wanted to help, but whenever she would even do as much as take a step towards her, she would push her back. She wanted to know what was going on inside her head, but how could she reach out to her?_

_The car door flipped shut beside her. Leaning back, she threw her head back. "I can’t do this. I… I gotta get out of here."_

_Determined to put some distance between her and her girlfriend, she put the car into the highest gear, not caring if there was any police nearby or not. She just had to leave. Not wanting to waste any more time, she pedaled and drove onto the road, eyes fixed on the path before her with her thoughts elsewhere._

_That's when it happened._

_Screeeech!_

_"Wow!" With a thud, the car came to a sudden stop, bringing her back to reality for a moment only for the world around her to crash in the next._

_"No." Through the windshield, she saw what had happened, the sight before her sending cold shivers up and down her spine. "No no no no no."_

_Panicking, she burst out and hurriedly approached the figure lying on the floor before her. Forehead covered in blood with bruises on her body, Korra was lying unconsciously on the cold asphalt with her eyes closed, her head tilted to the side._

_Asami’s heart skipped a beat, as she took in her lover before her, guilt and remorse instantly present. Careful, she reached out to her face, scared of causing any more harm. She put her hand cautiously on her cheek, patting it gently while her eyes filled with tears. "K-Korra, w-wake up. Please."_

_But there was no reaction. Caught in the moment and in her overwhelming emotions, she didn’t notice the presence of two pedestrians beside her who tried to talk to her with the sirens of the ambulance ringing somewhere in the distance. In that moment, her world was confined to a single person only and begged for her to wake up._

 

* * *

 

  
Asami shook her head. This was not the time to think about that. She already blamed herself more than enough for it. She shouldn't remain in the past … and yet …

 

* * *

 

  
_"We're reporting live on site, only few moments after the tragic accident in which two vans inexplicably swung off from the lane and crashed into each other, creating an incredible domino effect: the collision of the two giants apparently caused an enormous chain reaction in which at least ten more vehicles toppled over and got off the road. The number of dead people is currently unknown, however according to reports it is getting bigger and bigger. Several forces already are at the scene and are investigating it closely. So far there's no word of any survivors."_

 

_"Thanks Jeff, and with that back to the studio."_

 

_The screen went black._

_"I shouldn’t watch this." Tired, Asami put the remote aside, getting up from the couch to get a glass of water when the doorbell rang. Her brows furrowed. "Who could that be? It's nighttime."_

_Composed, she approached the door and opened it, finding two police officers in front of her. Raising her brows, she asked, "Yes?"_

_The two shared a brief look before the first one spoke up. "Are you Asami Sato?"_

_\- "Yes, that’s me. Why?"_

_"We're here to deliver a message for you," the second one said. He shot his partner another look before he continued. "We're sorry to inform you about the death of your father, Hiroshi Sato, who has been a victim of a recent accident."_

_She blinked. "What?"_

_"M'am," the first one said. "Our sincerest condolences. This may be a difficult message to take, so it would be best to go back inside and contact a close relative or a friend who can keep you company."_

_Asami wasn’t listening. Her father, who was released from custody only a few days prior and whom she had looked into the eyes of for the first time in four years and had reconciled with, was supposed to be_ dead _?_

_"Are you all right?"_

_"Huh?" Realizing that the two officers were still on her doorstep, she smiled awkwardly. "Oh, uh, y-yes. I’m fine. Thanks for everything, officers."_

_After another exchange of rather skeptical looks, the men eventually touched their hats to her and bid farewell._

_"Take care."_

_With that, they left towards their car which was parked before her door and drove into the night._

_She stayed for the rest of the time on the doorstep, crying._

 

* * *

 

  
"I … I should have told you earlier, but everything happened too fast and I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid, that, if I told you, that you wouldn’t understand. B-but he is …" She swallowed, aware of the present tense she used. "He _was_ my father and I know that he hurt me, but I couldn’t take it anymore to keep all these feelings inside of me. I -" She stopped. "... I _had to_ see him again. When I found out that… that he was dead, I was confused and just felt _alone_. After the death of my mom, he was everything I had, and now …"

But she wasn’t alone, was she? A small smile formed on her face. No. There _always_ was someone by her side. Someone who always supported her and served as her personal lifeline in hard times, even if she didn’t want it or wasn’t aware of it. Someone who had been there for her since the very start and understood her more than enough. Someone who filled her with happy memories that kept her joyful, no matter what. It were those memories that were worth to be treasured and to relive.

  
_It had been the last day of winter quarter. Streets and buildings had all been covered in white snow and everyone was looking forward to the long awaited winter holidays. Students huddled in little groups around her were now waiting for their parents to pick them up, herself included. Unlike them, however, Asami had been everything but excited for the holidays. In fact, she'd rather prefer staying back where she was now, which was far away from home. Home was where any positive kind of emotions was drowned out and the place she was the most lonely at, the one place she regretted the most._

_The main reason why everyone was so excited about the holidays was Christmas. Many regarded it as the feast of love. A time when you and your whole family would get together for this special occasion and express your love for one another and appreciate what you had. Well, things weren't so simple for her. Love had long gone lost in her family, if she could call herself and her Dad a family. The spirit of love withered away shortly after her Mom had passed away, her death leaving a cold feeling of what once used to be love and happiness behind. Whereas children and people her age would be surrounded by love and family, she would be greeted by the hollow place that was supposed to be home, where celebrations had long since lost their sense. Her Dad? Having become a full-blown workaholic, he's busying himself with work, especially whenever there was some sort of celebration. Whereas Christmas brought love to everyone, it only strengthened the bitterness in him. That left her with ... herself. A lonely girl out here in the cold with no intentions of going back home, cowering on the curbside and secretly hoping that something would prevent her from leaving._

_Sunken deep in her wishful thoughts, she hadn't picked up on someone stepping up to her. Feeling a light touch on her shoulder, she looked up to the stranger above her, furrowing her brows. Why would anyone come to her? Home wasn't the only place she was by herself, same did go for school, but here it was different. In school she was comfortable with being alone most of the time. Although she did sit with others together at class or sometimes even during lunch, she never took it upon herself to socialize with anybody. From what she could gather, most of her peers seemed to be uninterested in her anyway, which was a mutual thing, so she was fine with it. All the more reason for her to be so surprised by the newcomer who was now smiling down at her._

_"Hey." Unlike the usual frowns and disapproving gazes that she was used to, she was now greeted by a wide goofy smile and a welcoming warm face. The thing that surpised her the most, however, was the fact that it was a girl who was talking to her and looked to be around the same age as her. If there was a certain group she could rule out in terms of making contact with her, girls were on the top of her list. There was a reason why most girls were uninterested in her, mostly because she just so happened to pose a threat to them if it came to potential love interests and on top of that, she was smarter than the average, being thought of as a teacher's pet. So yeah, all the more reason to dislike someone like her, but of course, she never let it get to her head._

_Sensing something was wrong, the girl's smile changed into a concerned face, her striking blue eyes radiating compassion. "Hey, are you all right?"_

_Shaking her head, she weakly nodded. Maybe it_ was _a little too inconsiderate of her to shrug her off only because she wasn't used to proper interaction. The number of times she's actually spoken with someone was slim. Maybe she actually wanted to talk ... or ask about homework or something._

_Mustering up a neutral expression and hoping that her yet curious eyes weren't betraying her, she answered, "I'm ... fine. Is something wrong?"_

_The girl shrugged. "Well ... I was hanging with my friends and saw you sitting out here by yourself." She looked away, suddenly seeming sheepish. "You kind of looked lonely. I thought that ... maybe you could use some company."_

_She waited, wondering if there was something else she wanted to say, but realized soon that was all when she didn't make any effort to say more. Looking down, she thought for a moment. This girl, whom she never met, was actually worrying about her? How could that be? They never spoke before, and honestly, up until know Asami didn't even know that this girl existed in the first place._

_Somehow, she picked up on whatever she had been feeling. "I take it you're not really used to talking with others." She scratched her neck, bearing that sheepish look again. "Well, I'll give you the benefit of doubt here. To be honest, it did me surprise me that someone like you wouldn't be surrounded by a whole mass of students."_

_Asami raised a brow at those words, which somehow flustered the girl even more who was stuttering now. "I mean ... I don't mean ..."_

_She let out a deep sigh and it was obvious how embarrassing this was for her. Asami didn't know why, but the knowledge somehow calmed her and she tried to hide her small smile, as she waited her out. Speaking out would make this more awkward than it already was, so she might as well give her a chance to finish. From the looks of it, she wasn't the only one not used to talking with strangers._

_Hand at her neck again, she blushed. "Sorry. I still need some practice in talking to people, I guess." She shot her a shy smile. "What I meant was that you don't look the type to be left out, but that's okay. It means we're in the same boat then," she finished, grinning confidently._

_Asami didn't know what, but something about her seemed oddly comforting and her sincerity was a welcoming change from the fake faces of most people. In fact, it was enough to make her smile in turn. People may think that she was shy or not extremely social, if in reality it was people's masks that turned her off. With this stranger, however, there was only openness to see. Beaming, she gestured to the untaken spot beside her. "Would you like to sit with me?"_

_Eyes lighting up at the invitation, the other eagerly sat down right next to her, leaving only a little space between them. She extended her hand. "I'm Korra, by the way."_

_Asami smiled. "Asami."_

_Eyeing her curiously, Korra asked, "So, are you waiting for your parents to pick you up too?"_

_She nodded. "Yeah, my Dad."_

_She didn't even bother to hide her disappointment, something that Korra noticed only too well. "Aren't you happy?"  
_

_\- "What?"_

_She shrugged. "Well, aren't you happy to go home for the holidays? Personally, I've been looking forward to this since the beginning of the school year."_

_Bemused, she smiled at her. "Really?"_

_\- "Well, you know what they say: After the holidays is before the holidays."_

_She raised a brow. "Wait, who actually says that?"_

_Korra pointed to herself. "Well, I do!"_

_Both shared a look before bursting out into laughter. Asami didn't know how she could bring up such ease, but it sure was something she needed. The following minutes went on like this, both of them bonding fairly quickly, all the while waiting by each other's side._

 

* * *

 

 

Smiling at the memory, she gave her lover's hand an affectionate squeeze. She would never forget the memory of the day they first met each other and will always hold on to it, just like her love held on to her throughout all the time.

 

And she would be here. Waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> After approximately 6 months of radio silence, another fanon rolls by, just in time for Christmas. Initially intended to be the first of 7 prompts for September's Korrasami Week, this one-shot is my personal Christmas gift for my dear friend and partner in crime AvatarAang7 who has been way more active than me and continues to inspire me with his great stories. So, to make up for the lack of story content on my behalf, and because it's Christmas, I decided to make him this gift. 
> 
> With that, I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
> 
> ~ Kainorian


End file.
